I found out I was pregnant exactly one year ago today...
My 2ww ended on Monday, July 27. That was when I would get to pee on a stick to see if yet another round was a failure. I was already prepping myself for the disappointment. I was already starting to feel the anger, sadness and resentment that went along with the arrival of "Aunt Flo" each month. I was already trying to figure out a way to come up with the 12 grand to do IVF. In my mind, it was already negative.
So, Monday ends my 2ww and if you know me, you might also know that I am slightly impatient. That impatience led to the purchase of dozens of unnecessary Home Pregnancy Tests. So, impatience at full throttle, I decided I needed to test on Sunday and that's got to be as accurate as waiting one more day. Low and behold...it was negative. I knew it. I was coming to grips with the idea that this cycle was a failure and went to bed.
Woke up Monday morning (when I really was supposed to test) and peed on the stick just knowing that I would see that damn single pink line yet again. Pee, wait three minutes... tick tock, tick tock, those three minutes are the worst. Go back and look. Now, in the past I tried to look at those sticks from every angle hunting for the faintest sign of a double pink line. Even the lightest of lines would indicate pregnancy and I didn't want to miss it. So, here I am in the bathroom, already mad at my imaginary "negative" test and looking at it upside down, right side up, in bright light, daylight, in the dark, while standing on my head (well, practically). And there it was, the faintest, little pink line that I ever did see. I was ready to be mad and then this? I was still mad, I thought it was some dirty little joke, a false positive, the home pregnancy test people conspiring against me so they would stay in business. But it was there. I went outside to tell hubby, but was still mad, still didn't believe it. "well, there's a line" I told him in a smug voice "but it can't be right, this is a dirty trick". But in my mind I knew that ANY line was a sign of pregnancy, I just couldn't let myself be elated yet. I couldn't fall from that high just yet.
I went on with my day and went to work. Called the doc as soon as I had the chance, cautiously explained my nearly invisible line and the receptionist said, “Oh Lisa, you’re PREGNANT!” Without a doubt or any hesitation, she was 100% sure I was pregnant. I really thought I’d get a “well, come in for blood work so we can be sure” or something along the line of “don’t get your hopes up just yet”. But, no, she was positive and scheduled an appointment for me. OMG, I was in the break room at work, wanted to tell the world, couldn’t actually tell anyone, had a smile plastered on my face and…went and threw up. Yes, that was my first reaction BUT I was the happiest girl around for the rest of the day, heck every day since!
I went in for my blood work that day. I got the blood drawn and waited… I had to wait 5 hours until (another perk from my fabulous doctor) I could call her AT HOME for my results. That time couldn’t pass fast enough, I’ve never looked at the clock so much in my life. 6 o’clock rolled around, I called and she confirmed that I was pregnant! Finally, it was confirmed and I could scream and jump up and down like a schoolgirl!!! Here comes baby!
Doc said that my progesterone levels were low and to start taking progesterone (we’ll leave it at that) that night. Let’s just say the method was far from ideal. A week goes by and I go in for more blood work and the doctor says that my progesterone levels are still too low and I have to start on progesterone oil. At the time, I didn’t realize that would be the start of injecting myself with oil, from a huge needle, everyday for the next 12 weeks. I had one bruised booty, let me tell you! The doctor told me that she had never seen a woman with progesterone levels as low as mine carry to full term. Luckily, she didn’t tell me that until my 7 month follow up appointment. So, our baby girl truly is a miracle!
It took me a long time (like months) before I wasn’t worried about the possibility of a miscarriage. I went through almost the entire pregnancy very cautiously optimistic. I loved being pregnant though. Aside from a few weeks of severe nausea, I had a really easy pregnancy. I chalk up the easy pregnancy to the hell we had to go through to actually get pregnant.
So, that’s our story. I know that there are women out there that have a much more difficult time getting or staying pregnant (and my heart goes out to you) and plenty of women that have a much easier time (don’t take it for granted!) but this is how our journey went. It was a rough road but well worth the wait.
And here is the very first picture of our baby girl at 5 weeks, 5 days (the itty, bitty, teeny, tiny white dot)
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