3 years

Happy Anniversary to us!!! Today we celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary! About this time, three years ago, I was popping open the pineapple champagne and getting my hair done. I loved our wedding, it was a pain in the @ss to plan and pay for but it was worth all the effort. It was so much fun and one giant party! I didn't want it to end! Most importantly, it was the official start of our life together and I am lucky to be married to such a wonderful man and an amazing father!

Who is this child?

I think my child has grown exponentially in the last 48 hours. I feel like last week she was still a blob of a baby, that couldn't move, only cried when she was either tired, hungry or wet, and wasn't interested in anything but her hands and mom.

Now she is rolling over, working out her ab muscles like a maniac (she tries desperately to pull herself up when laying down), "talking" up a storm, tries to put everything in her mouth (even the dog), is entertained by some toys, complains (i'm sure that goes along with talking but she does this weird moan thing that is not quite a cry and not a cute coo), DEMANDS to be fed (she may have gotten some of her moms impatience), laughs at her dad and just all around seems like a different baby. I am loving every second of it!

We often say I can't wait until she...(insert milestone here--talks, crawls, walks, has hair, etc) but I really try to stop myself every time and focus on all the amazing things that are happening every day. They really do go by all too fast...

Sitting. Coming soon to a baby near you.

I was really trying to get a cute naked booty pic of her to use to embarass her when she is older and because it's just plain adorable! She was not having it. She would not stop rolling over! She probably rolled over 10 times during our little mini photo shoot and was clearly amused by her own little plot to ruin my plan (maybe she knew it would come back to haunt her). This shot was the best I could do with my iPhone.
Note to self for baby #2--take cute naked booty pic BEFORE they can roll over.

Hold on

I just realized that my child needs to hold on to something to fall asleep. She grabs on to my fingers at bedtime and grips them like a vice until she falls asleep and I thought it was just because she wanted mommy close. I'm thinking not. She is constantly pulling the pacifier out of her mouth, but I am realizing she does this because it's the only thing she has to hang on to. She is in her swing and was overtired and obviously needed to fall asleep but was having trouble. I gave her the pacifier and you could see the relief sweep over face. She started to relax and drift off to sleep but then those crazy hands and their mind of their own started in on the pacifier. I went over to put it back in and she grabbed onto my fingers like usual. Now, I would have been happy to stand there and let her grip my fingers until she fell asleep, but if I am ever to get a shower in or maybe clean the house, I needed a better plan. I grabbed a little blanket and fed it into those crazy, little hands and low and behold, it worked like a charm! She is sleeping peacefully! I am slightly dreading the day when I have to break her of these perceived "bad" habits (blanket, binky), as I remember the days when I had to rid myself of my blankie and thumbsucking but I need to shower and floors need to be mopped. When she is older, at least I will be able to clean the house while trying to convince her that she doesn't need a blankie. For now, the dog and I will enjoy the peace and quiet.

I would post a picture, but she is in the swing and I don't dare stop it just to take a picture. You'll have to use your imagination today, it'll be good for you.

Rock & Roll

Kaylee was laying on the floor this morning doing some tummy time and she started rocking back and forth. Dad was sitting close by so I yell "dad, dad, look at your baby girl". He was in the middle of doing something and didn't look up right away. Baby was still rocking back and forth and I told her "your daddy is going to miss it!" As soon as I said that, Dad looked up and baby rolled right over!!!

We officially had our first roll over! It was from belly to back and she would only do it once. She made it clear to us that she had worked hard (or entertained us) enough for one day. Now she is peacefully napping from her big workout.

The story...

Before you read on, be prepared for maybe a little TMI. This is the story of our infertility journey and while I have become quite comfortable talking about my uterus and sperm and the steps we have had to take to conceive--your ears and your brain may not want to peek into that side of our lives (If that is the case, just stand by idly until the next post). But, infertility is all too common in today's world and more couples are going through what we went through (and more difficult challenges) so I might as well share my story as it may comfort, educate, enlighten or amuse someone out there...

short story: unexplained infertility, 5 IUI's, thousands of dollars, lots of drugs, & 1 beautiful baby girl

long story: So, today is the day we conceived. Well, between now and 24 hours from now. Yep, I know the exact date of conception. Not because we were vacationing in some exotic land or had some especially steamy romp in the sack, but because I was sitting on the cold table in the doctor's office waiting for her to "prepare" the sperm that would eventually become this little ball of chubbiness and smiles that is our baby girl.

We all know how the story ends, so I will go back to the beginning...

We met in 2004, fell in love and got married in 2007. Before we were married we talked extensively about marriage, family and children and we were both excited to take the next "big" steps in our lives. We got married in July of 2007 and were ready to get busy and grow our family. It all started out innocently. First it was "whatever happens, happens". Nothing. Then it moved on to tracking periods. Nothing. Then it became a bit more obsessive--tracking periods, intercourse and ovulation. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

About 8 months into it, I was ready to head to the doctor to find out what was "wrong" with me. I expressed my intense desire to have children, soon. She ordered some preliminary tests to see if anything could be easily ruled out. OK, GREAT! Let's get started. I now felt like I had a little more control over this midly frustrating situation.

So starts the barage of tests. Blood test (looks great!). Thyroid test (perfectly normal!). Hormone test (typical woman!) Sperm Analysis (fabulous specimen!). HSG--which is a hysterosalpinogram where they inject a dye into your fallobian tubes to make sure there is no blockage (all clear!)

The doctor was less than helpful, only telling me to come back after I had tried for a year. Really? I have to wait that long? I've already waited my whole life. What difference is a few months going to make? Ugh. So I waited, 3 months (not the 4 I was told to wait). I called that doctor and talked her receptionist. Me: "I've been trying to conceive for 1 year now and have done all the preliminary tests and I would like to take the next step, whatever that may be." Recepcionist: "Call Dr. Schmidt. Her number is blah, blah, blah ... Good luck." REALLY? You made me wait 4 extra months just to give me a phone number?? We're just wasting eggs at this point. Fine.

So off I went with my renewed sense of "control" over my childbearing prospects. This was in August, but I didn't call right away. Suddenly, I was a little nervous. Maybe, because I was afraid they would tell me that I would never have children. I waited out that cycle, holding out hope that that was the one that worked. It wasn't. I got my period and decided I had to call and get things moving. Now it is September of 2008.

This is the start of my life revolving around my menstrual cycle. Even in calling to make my appointment, they wanted to know what cycle day I was on. What? I don't know 4? 5? 6? I haven't really been paying attention. Receptionist: "Oh, honey, we HAVE to see you on cycle day 3. So call me next month as soon as you start your period and we will make you an appointment. UGH!!!! There goes another month.

Finally, I got an appointment and the doctor wanted to do a few more tests. Turns out Dad's side of things is (in her words) phenomenal. Mine, not so much. I was apparently killing off his swimmers before they even had a chance. I think the term "hostile host" was used. The doctor told us that our first step would be to start IUI's, yes, I'm pretty sure she said plural right from the start. IUI is intrauterine insemination. Basically, the doctor takes the part of his stuff and injects it right into my uterus and then we all cross our fingers and hope that an egg is fertilized before my evil uterus has the chance to kill it off. So we continued on our journey.

Our round of IUI's happened on New Year's Eve & New Year's Day 2009-2010. Yes, that is a testament to our fabulous our doctor was. She came in to do the procedures on not only her day off but essentially two days worth of holidays. I think most doctor's would have cancelled the cycle and tried again next time.

In the meantime, I was trying to do ANYTHING that would increase our odds. I changed my deoderant because I read somewhere that the aluminum in regular deoderant can effect fertility, I wore a St. Girard's metal pinned to my bra everyday, I started going to acupuncture every week, I drank room temperature water (to warm my cold uterus--that was from a book, more on that later), I stopped drinking milk and tried to eat only organic, I went vegan (for a week) but stuck to a nearly vegetarian diet for awhile (until the pregnancy cravings kicked in), cut out caffiene, positive thinking, wished on the new moon, started learning about the adoptions process, started taking USANA vitamins upon my doctors request, drank herb teas, used chinese herbs (don't do this unless you are under the care of a professional -some herbs have an unknown effect on fertility). Not to mention I was charting my basal body temperature every morning before getting out of bed and using home ovulation predictor kits. Phew, it was a lot of work!

Five, it took us five cycles to get it right!

Round #1-- 50 mg clomid, back to back IUI's (Dec/Jan)
Round #2--100 mg clomid, back to back IUI's (Jan)
Round #3--150 mg clomid, HCG trigger shot, back to back IUI's (Mar)
Round #4--150 mg clomid, HCG trigger shot, back to back IUI's (May)

Four rounds with no positive results. I think that therapy should come for free to women doing fertility treatments. It is absolutely agonizing! Putting so much hope, money and time into something that is SO desperately wanted and not easily attainable is one of the hardest things I have gone through. Note to yourself, if you know someone that is having difficulty conceiving DO NOT tell them "try not to think about it so much", "just relax and it will happen", "you're too stressed about it", "forget about it and you'll get pregnant", "think positively". Really, if someone is at the point where they have to seek help to get pregnant they --won't forget about, --can't stop thinking about it, and --are already thinking as positively as humanly possible. You will only annoy them and they won't want to talk to you about it anymore.

Round #5--(AKA the miracle round) 10 days of birth control pills, 6 days of lupron shots in the thigh, 5 days of 150mg clomid, HCG trigger shot, back to back IUI's, progesterone oil shots for 4 months. (July)

On a fluke, I had to go in for an appointment two days earlier than normally schedule. From that blood test the doctor learned that my progesterone was rising too early, which was essentially ruining any chance of fertilization. She put me on the lupron to supress the hormones and the birth control pills because I had developed ovarian cysts. That was going to be our last cycle and we had decided that if it didn't work, we would stop trying IUI's and begin saving the $12,000 it would cost to do IVF treatments. Mind you, none of our IUI treatments were covered by insurance either so our savings was non-existence at this point.

Okay, so we start the crazy cycle--birth control pills, giving my self shots everyday, my short stint as a vegan, and the realization that if this didn't work, it could be a very, very long time before we might conceive. We did the back to back IUI's on July 14-15 and then there is the dreaded 2ww (two week wait). Those two weeks are the absolute worst! You are filled with hope and positive thoughts, but also have to keep in mind that it might not have worked, just like in the past. You do a lot of soul seraching during the 2ww. There are lots of converstions with yourself--trying to prep yourself for what might come. It is a time full of tremendous hope and anxiety.

Stay tuned to find out what happens in our next episode...
(really this is already too long, will be continued next week)

Oh, but the most wonderful book that I found was The Infertility Cure. My acupuncturist, Beth Peckham lent it to me and it was extremely informative, gave reccomendations on steps to take to increase your fertility naturally based on your personal "symptoms". It kept me motivated and positive in a time that could have become very dark. It made me feel like I had some control, that there was something I could do to help "fix" what was "broken".

and now some eye candy after all that reading...

Each to his own when it comes to parenting styles and sleep training but this is just funny...

From babies to other babies.

OK, here's my situation. My Mommy has had me for almost 7 months. The first few months were great--I cried, she picked me up and fed me, anytime, day or night. Then something happened. Over the last few weeks, she has been trying to STTN (sleep thru the night). At first, I thought it was just a phase, but it is only getting worse. I've talked to other babies, and it seems like it's pretty common after Mommies have had us for around 6 months. Here's the thing: these Mommies don't really need to sleep. It's just a habit. Many of them have had some 30 years to sleep--they just don't need it anymore. So I am implementing a plan. I call it the Crybaby Shuffle. It goes like this: Night 1--cry every 3 hours until you get fed. I know, it's hard. It's hard to see your Mommy upset over your crying. Just keep reminding yourself, it's for her own good.

Night 2--cry every 2 hours until you get fed.

Night 3--every hour.

Most Mommies will start to respond more quickly after about 3 nights. Some Mommies are more alert, and may resist the change longer. These Mommies may stand in your doorway for hours, shhhh-ing. Don't give in. I cannot stress this enough: CONSISTENCY IS KEY!! If you let her STTN (sleep through the night), just once, she will expect it every night. I KNOW IT'S HARD! But she really does not need the sleep, she is just resisting the change. If you have an especially alert Mommy, you can stop crying for about 10 minutes, just long enough for her to go back to bed and start to fall asleep. Then cry again. It WILL eventually work. My Mommy once stayed awake for 10 hours straight, so I know she can do it.

Last night, I cried every hour. You just have to decide to stick to it and just go for it. BE CONSISTENT! I cried for any reason I could come up with.My sleep sack tickled my foot. I felt a wrinkle under the sheet. My mobile made a shadow on the wall. I burped, and it tasted like pears. I hadn't eaten pears since lunch, what's up with that? The cat said "meow". I should know. My Mommy reminds me of this about 20 times a day. LOL. Once I cried just because I liked how it sounded when it echoed on the monitor in the other room. Too hot, too cold, just right--doesn't matter! Keep crying!! It took awhile, but it worked. She fed me at 4am. Tomorrow night, my goal is 3:30am. You need to slowly shorten the interval between feedings in order to reset your Mommies' internal clocks.

P.S. Don't let those rubber things fool you, no matter how long you suck on them, no milk will come out. Trust me

3 months!!

Happy 3 months to my beautiful baby girl!!!